Brazillian airport, arrivals, alternate lineup for baggage search:
“open the bag please sir”
oh shit
I lay out the contents of my bag on the polished aluminum desk in the flourescent light. I am a doctor, carefully laying out his instruments for surgery.
1 “sex god” book by Rob Bell (re-reading it)
1 firewire cable
1 dell laptop
1 hoody (from zumiez, $14)
1 nintendo DS: final fantasy 6 and FF tactics thank you very much
1 ipod classic 120GB ( airborne toxic event playing)
1 ipod USB cable
1 Canon XH A1 3CCD professional video camera. dang.
This has happened before. My last trip: Lima, Peru
we got hit with a $1000 fine for having pro equipment. had to pay in cash. they took our gear until we coughed up the dough. and our passports. These guys, they want cash. No Visa. If you got anything that looks pro: they can smell it from a mile away, the try and get you, smack you with a fat bill. They scan your bags not to stop terrorism, they scan to make coin. This customs agent, he will try and corner you: prove you need to pay, you: the under-the-radar video and photog have to parry and dodge his blows. He’s on the offensive, you have to defend.
Whether you have to pay a grand depends on the next 4 minutes of dialogue.
like they say in the schoolyard: its on
He saunters up to the counter, looking smug with his dashing moustache and customs uniform. He thinks he has this one in the bag. A little extra money on the side, maybe head to the bar tonight.
People in the lineup are looking over, the other customs agents at the scanner machine are smirking, the dude with the metal detector wand is leaning against the gate. They all know its On.
We face each other, shoulders squared off like this is some samurai showdown or high school arcade showdown.
Ok buddy, you think you can take me!? I’ll tear your face off.
“what you coming to Brazil for?” he grills me in broken english
nice right hook, but its a little slow. Homo
“touristo! tourism” – shooting a smile.
Block, counter. Gaurd up
he levels a bone chilling gaze at me: “Define Tourism”
Ouch, fiece punch high, tap “A” to get up!
crossing arms: “oh you know, travelllll, see some siiights, meet interesting peeeople, maybe meet some laaadies.” - wink.
charmander is paralyzed!
Opens up my laptop. it comes out of hibernation. Have Adobe lightroom open.
“What is this?”
You know nothing. I’m sorry Espanol, your princess is in another castle
“It’s a computer.”
down, diagonal, forward + Punch: Hadoken!
That pissed him off a little bit. He picks up the camera.
Magicarp! hit him with a splash attack!
“Is there something wrong with my camera? You don’t like? Too big?” -Big smile.
Back, Down, Diagonal Foward and punch: Shoyruken!
“How much your camera cost?”
a trap. But i done my research. Anything over 3k and you got me.
“Oh about two thousand US”
Low kick countered, Back, Diagonal, Down, Diagonal, Foward and punch: Yoga Flame!
“…it looks new…”
Enemy is low on health
“It’s 3 years old. Christmas present from my mom!” -smile
Headshot! No scope!
“…ok…get your things, you can go.”
Finish Him
“Thanks, and hey! you have yourself a good night!”
Fatality! Flawless victory.
It’s all over. 2 people are seriously maimed from the collateral damage. The terminal is in shambles. Broken glass lies everywhere. holes the size of houses in the floor and ceiling from the wayward energy beams. Everyone has long since ducked for cover under the converyor belts and seats. The dust clears. It’ll be several minutes before the SWAT teams arrive. The champion reholsters his Revolvers, Puts the extra quarters in his back pocket, powers down from super saiyan. He looks over to the remaining airport staff: “you remember this day forever.”
He slowly repacks his belongings, whistling. Grabs his checked luggage, and saunters out of the airport. Whistling.
